I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
