tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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