If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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