Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
