You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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