Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
