Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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