Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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