Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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