this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
