I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
ttyl tear gas
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
