My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
