And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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