I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
