Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
