If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
