Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
