i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
