you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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