There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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