yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
