You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
