There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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