stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
There are leaves in my underwear?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize