even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
