I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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