Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
