I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
