So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
