WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
the raccoons are back...
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