Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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