So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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