i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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