How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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