im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
