...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
