i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
