did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
