Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
