Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
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I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
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And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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