dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
