the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize