Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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