All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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