ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
