I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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