If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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