I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
