Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
