Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
