So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
