Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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