Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize