im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
