ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
