he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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