I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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