I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i now understand why vodka
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
