He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
