dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
