i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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