Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
