should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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