dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
