i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
