On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
