It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
