Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
