also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
