She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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