8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
