all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
