oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
