your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You work out of a Hotel?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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