Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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