This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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