I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
